Saturday, November 28, 2009

Seriously Chapter 60: No Word From Tiger's Camp & A Phone Call From the Steelers

Memo to All: I Know As Much As You Do

From all the e-mails Seriously's been getting the last couple days (which are now becoming verbal broadsides.
Sorry, I needed time to think. Since my bi-yearly, intentional purging of staff, it's been just Seriously and Harmless Keith here at a large office and he's mostly occupied with keeping the computers, phones and machines running, me running the whole she-bang) It's obvious that a lot of you out there are overrating me as it relates certain vital sports scenarios. And while I'm honored by your confidence, let me be clear and up to date. I'm not anybody's go-to-ANYTHING on this whole, entire Tiger Woods story.
I know as much as anybody on CNN knows. Sorry, all. You know I love you, all 8,431 of you, but I'll be the first to tell you when I ain't got the rocks. Even on a normal day, Seriously wouldn't be able to get Eldrick "Tiger" Woods on the phone without at least a couple of phone calls. Right now, Seriously can't even reach his people, that's how thick all this crap is getting. But I can throw you some insight, for whatever it's worth, and tell you a little bit about the way it works for us here in the sports business, even for old-timers like myself. Like Phil Jackson, Tiger Woods is what you call a rare-air individual in that, as a journalist, you take whatever he's giving you and you shut your mouth, no matter how many years you've got in the business. In person, Tiger's extraordinarily courteous but he also likes it if you act like you're the one who's running out the door. And while I've had several actual sit downs with Phil (and what I'd like to think is a somewhat of a relationship,) Tiger's always been a chase for old Seriously. We've never had a sit-down and I'd never ask him. Homie is way too private. He's in the echelon of Magic, Michael, Larry and Wayne in that you just want to leave those guys the hell alone. They'll come to you if you stick around long enough.
Seriously will let you know what you need to know about Tiger as soon as I know. Right now, I'm sure, like any citizen, he's got his lawyers busy getting the accident scene in shape and we're likely receive more information when his lawyers brief law enforcement on how things will be proceeding from here on out. Stay tuned.

A Dash Of Sanity From The Pittsburgh Steelers In the Form of a Phone Call

When Seriously refers to "my guy" in any particular sports organization, it's usually assured that the contact is also a friend. But in the case of Cliff Rooney from the Pittsburgh Steelers, (who I've called Zipper since he was eight-years-old,) I'm not so sure. He just called to let me know, before it went public, that, yeah, the Steelers had changed their mind and are benching Ben Roethlisberger this week versus the Ravens, (six days after his forth concussion at age 28.) But instead of taking him to the verbal woodshed, like I should have, I could give a flying rip this punk's the owner's son, I didn't say anything. Even though I was completely, totally, publicly vindicated from my last conversation with him (which I reported on in Chapter 59,) where dude was rude and hung up on me, even though I was standing up for HIS player. Hut ever, irrational representative of a major sports franchise. Nepotism is alive and well, I see. But here I didn't say anything, not a word, not a damn thing. I just said, "Yeah, and?" And the little porker hung up on me, yet again. I hate the Pittsburgh Steelers, I really, really do, but at least Big Ben will be sit down for a week and maybe even two.
Still haven't heard a thing regarding the concussion policy from the Commissioner's office. I'll have to get on the blower.


  1. We should give Tiger and his family some privacy to deal with whatever is going on, shouldn't we? Although our family has definitely enjoyed riffing on the golf joke metaphors being as he was in a Caddy, etc. We are happy he wasn't badly hurt. And chagrined that Heinz Ward is willing to go on national TV and dis his quarterback for not playing with head injuries. That guy is definitely MY least favorite Steeler.

  2. Tiger Woods definitely deserves his privacy. He could de-fuel speculation and everything would likely peter out if he met with law enforcement, however. It seems to be a case of a guy messing around on his wife and her beating the crap out of him for it. As to Hines Ward, Eagle, he is an ignorant fool and his comments will have far reaching, team implications behind closed doors. Any pro will tell that you keep everything like this in-house. And it's baffling that Hines doesn't seem to understand the implications of 4 concussions at such a young age. I may have to bring Sports Seriously medical point person, Dr. Richard C. Bozian, in to explain the minutia and long term implications of sports concussions. Stay tuned and thank you for your support.