Sunday, August 23, 2009

Seriously Chapter 39: Cry No Tears For the Sox

The first and prime commitment Sports Seriously has is to give you the news as it is, straight and without slant or bias. That being said, we don't fly the Red Sox colors or support the Red Sox brand here at the Sports Seriously franchise. (Truth be told, you can't even work at this agency unless you're a verified National League person.) The complete unraveling of the Red Sox comes without sympathy of any kind, not even from my Beantown correspondent, Cliff Livingston. (He wonders if he even likes Youkilis anymore.) "Arrogant Boston Red Sox fans have two championship trophies they can sit around and polish," Clifford said to me. And I said, "that's well put, especially coming from you." Rest in peace, and yet at the same time sayonara, Boston Red Sox of 2009.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Seriously Chapter 38: N - F - Hell Yeah

Sometimes you just need to be funny and original from the get-go. Take me to the frozen tundra, mommy.

It's Michael Vick's League Now

Memo to Information Gatherers:

Seriously and the entire Sports Seriously staff are locked and loaded with correspondents in place for the upcoming NFL football season. One of my veteran stringers, Doug Davidson, he's on golf right now and he wants to drop Y.E. Yang like a cold potato while the kim chi lover is still holding the PGA trophy up in the air, he wants to cover his Buffalo Bills so bad. With the return of the great Michael Vick, the emergence of Jamarcus Russell and a healthy Mark Bulger, if you're not breathing NFL fire, y'all, then you're not breathing. The mail up in here on the NFL is staggering and the entire office is buzzing. Of course, we have the Bengals coming out of the AFC, Seattle in the NFC with the Cincinnati Bengals hoisting the Lombardi in January of 2010. It's only 3 weeks into training camp and everyone at this agency is already exuding the element of - My God, bring it on.

Dodgers Hearing Footsteps?

I think not though 4 1/2 games at this point in the season is unexpected what with that punishing line-up.

It Makes Life Worth Living When Baseball Becomes Whiffle Ball

The sight of a new knuckleballer coming into the majors and playing dipsy-doodle makes me want to go Toni Braxton. I simply want to "...breathe again, breathe again..." We don't fly the Dodger colors or support the Dodger brand here at the Franchise but the outing by young Dodgers' knuckler, Charlie Haeger, was more important to this author than paying attention to Darfur or getting a public option.

Another note on the 91st PGA Championship

Tiger Woods is part Asian, give me a break.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Seriously Chapter 37: Good for Kurt Rambis & Good For The Game

Seriously just got off the phone with former Laker great, Kurt Rambis, who just signed on to take over for Kevin McHale as head coach of the Minnesota Timberwolves. I've known Kurt for over 20 years and you will not find a more humble, hard working man in the game of basketball. Thrilled that he's getting his dream shot, Kurt is also excited at the thought that he might be able to turn the Minnesota Timberwolves around and thereby step on the throat of his old nemesis, the knock-kneed box of elbows that is the bastard, McHale. May he go away and forever give clinics at St. Mary's.
Talking with Kurt, as unpretentious as the day is long, brought back some fine Laker memories of old. Championship memories of Magic and Showtime. The games court side, halftime inside the Forum Club where if you're in, you're in and Dr. Buss's office where there was always some kind of major bull session. We laughed about how the fans in the parking lot used to swarm off the other Lakers and onto him and how we used to make fun of the way he dressed. (Kurt always had the lousiest wardrobe back then) He particularly laughed recalling the memory of Laker fans, men and women, coming up to him wearing Rambis glasses and wanting to have serious conversations. The Minnesota Timberwolves will not only be getting an experienced tactician (let's not forget his solid winning record as Lakers' interim coach) but he'll also be doing in Minnesota what we in the sports business call "rolling in with some hard jewelry." Kudos to Kurt. He's one of the more goofy living legends in the history of Quake Town but he's a living legend nonetheless.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Seriously Chapter 36: After the Love Has Gone

Quicky Runs

- The Dodgers keep figuring out impossible ways to win games and it's about time for Manny to come out of his slump. Look for them to stretch it out. Jason Schmidt continues to inspire confidence in the starting rotation going down the stretch as the team's solid number 11 guy.

- The Giants will have their hands full this weekend as they host white-hot Cincinnati Reds who won a game this week, we heard it was Wednesday. Candlestick will be rocking with swirling gusts of wind and hot dog wrappers everywhere.

- The Angels, MLB's most anonymous great baseball team, have commenced with their annual pummeling of everyone in the regular season. Staying put at the non-waiver deadline has only made them stronger.

- Jason Giambi getting waived by the A's today brings an end to the career of one of the great guy-who-looks-like-he-farts-when-he-swings players. Seriously knows Jason quite well (he still can't believe Jeter made that play) and everyone at Sports seriously wishes him only the best in the future.

- Kudos go out to Dodger Stadium employee, William Gomez, who was guarding the Dodgers' locker room last night, post-game. He kept Milwaukee's 40O-pound slob, Prince Fielder, from bursting in and falling on top of Dodgers' reliever, Guillermo Mota. Mota had beaned the squatty brown hog earlier in the game.

- The Orlando Magic's Rashard Lewis tested positive for an elevated testosterone level and has been suspended by the NBA for 10 games beginning next season. He apologized to reporters and fans for taking an over-the-counter supplement without knowledge of the ingredients. I find it entirely understandable when athlete's make this claim of not knowing. Why would an athlete monitor what he puts in his body? Not to toot my own career but back in my gaming days (baseball, football, hockey) I would often accidentally take steroids.

- That they re-signed future hall-of-famer, Lamar Odom, guarantees that the Los Angeles Lakers will win four more world championships in a row.

- NFL training camps are open and it looks like it's going to be a dynamic, hard fought upcoming season. Sports Seriously sees the Cincinnati Bengals coming out of the AFC and defeating the NFC's Seattle Seahawks in the Super Bowl with Quarterback Jamarcus Russell of the Oakland Raiders as the league's MVP. Stay tuned, Sports Seriously will be providing expert coverage on the league from top to bottom throughout the entire season.