Seriously Chapter 52: The World Serious

You Always Remember Your First

The first World Series I covered was an unforgettable one in 1990 as the Cincinnati Reds swept the heavily favored Oakland Athletics in 4 games. The day before Game 1 at Riverfront, I told A's starter, (and now dear friend,) Dave Stewart that the Red Legs would defeat the mighty A's a la David vs. Goliath. He laughed that Fu Manchu laugh of his, right in my face, and shot out his left palm which had the old Chinese proverb, "Are You Kidding Me?" tattooed onto it. How right I was and how wrong he was, (we chuckle about it to this day.) I remember drinking scotch with Eric Davis after he got out of the hospital. I remember the Bash Brothers and the impeccable preparation of Jose Canseco who'd actually have guys hit him fungos so he could practice bouncing fly balls off the top of his head. A young Barry Larkin, the great Carney Lansford, the Nasty Boys, Lou Pinella dancing on Charlie Sheen's pool table and Chris Sabo running around the locker room in only his jock strap, spraying champagne and giving fake blow jobs. It was a series to remember and the first of many.

And Here We Are on the Eve of This Year's Series

I can't tell you how much silence I've heard on the other end of the phones in the last few weeks in telling various colleagues and their outlets that this will be the first World Series in 19 years that Seriously won't be at attending on behalf of the Sports Seriously franchise. A drinking problem, an ex-wife wife walking around with a pillow case full of Oxycontin and concern for my youngest daughter, Chubby, have necessitated that I keep the home fires burning this year. But fear not, franchise followers, you'll be kept abreast of all the inside stories as I have people with both the Phillies and Yankees organizations.

From the Diamond:

As we head into game 1, you don't need a lot of mustard for this hot dog - the Philadelphia Phillies will win the 2009 World Series. There's too much pitching and a murderous line up. You might say, "Hey, Seriously, you just described the Yankees." But the truth is, nobody played better team ball this year than Country Charlie's Phillies and you combine that with their World Series savvy? It's not going to happen for the bloated Bronx Bombers. Seriously would be surprised if it went 6 games. Phillies in 5.

From the Grid Iron:

- Kudos to the powerful Cincinnati Bengals as they continue their unimpeded march to this year's Lombardi Trophy.

- A shout-out to the hated 5-2 Steelers who have Polamalu back as well as their mo-jo.

- Serious-level attaboy's to the Indianapolis Colts who seem invincible at 6-0.

- Drunken back slapping welcome backs to the Arizona Cardinals who seem to have regained their play of last year with a victory over the Gents. They're hosting the Panthers next week and lead their division at 4-2.

- Holy mother f-ing shit's to phenomenal New England who are now clicking on all cylinders at 5-2.

- Exaltations to the Bourbon Street Bullies, those `Nawlins Saints who are a perfect 6-0 and killing people.

Then There's

- Boo-boo's to the N.Y. Giants have lost two straight and fall to 5-2. What's a vet like Eli Manning doing making all those mistakes?

- Shame on the wretchedly excessive Washington Redskins at 2-5. These guys are lost and seem barely even able to complete the snap from center.

- Go to hell, Panthers, at 2-4. Y'all got a lot of good players but no poise and your quarterback is an abomination.

- Spare me the Chargers who are the weakest a 3-3 team in years. Losing Merriman has been devastating and they're a defensive sieve waiting to happen.

- Tears and sorrow to the Detroit Lions at 1-5. Please, your country needs you to win football games.

- Attention Rams, Tampa Bay, Titans, Raiders, Cleveland and Kansas City: Why, for the love of god, are you in this league? Chloroform, please.

Quick Hoops

The Los Angeles Clippers, despite losing the NBA's finest player, Blake Griffin, for the first 6 weeks, will still cruise quite easily to their 5th NBA title.

Stay tuned. I'll let you know about everything.