Seriously Chapter 20: Falling on The Grenade That Has Been Our French Open Coverage

Our renowned tennis correspondent, Sandro di Parma, is an Italian in Paris which apparently says it all, I wouldn't know, I'm too concerned with getting information out to a lot of people who want to know stuff so I find myself a tad angered by this correspondent who's first report comes on the eve of the French Open quarter finals. But

***Unlike `Bron `Bron, I Can Face You All***

Sports Seriously, our staff, but most importantly Seriously himself, have or has or will be delinquent in our French Open coverage and it's entirely unacceptable as a news agency of note. But let's press on and thank Sandro di Parma for putting the wine sack down for a second and filing this report. Staff informs that many of you out there have been reading Sandro di Parma on tennis for years. Well, that's good. I just hope he goes to all the matches he's supposed to.

Live from the 2009 French Open
Sandro di Parma files this:

Was late for the Federer/Haas match today. I blame Mirka. Yet again, she gave me the wrong start time. I don't think she likes it when I'm at Roger's matches because all I ever do these days is make suggestions on how Roger can improve his play. She used to not mind, but ever since she's become big as a house, it seems her patience level has decreased. If Rog makes it to the finals, I'm betting Mirka will have to buy 2 seats by then.

In any event, R-Fed somehow put together one of the more improbable come backs today, winning in 5 sets after being down 2 sets to love and 5 points from elimination. If one wants to learn about how to play beautiful tennis, watch sets 3, 4 and 5. Other than perhaps Andy Murray, Federer's path to his 14th Grand Slam is now wide open, since Rafa, the Spanish toro in a china shop, lost to Robin Soderling. I couldn't even be bothered to watch that match. If I'm going to subject myself to all that snorting, grunting, awkward herky jerky movements and bodily fluids, I'd at least like get something out of it, too. I'd rather watch some porn. Like a Sharapova match.

Next up for Federer - the winner of Roddick/Monfils. I do love to watch Roger play Andy, but since it's the French Open, I'd like to see homeboy Gaël in there. The crowd's loyalties will be torn. But then again, with the frogs, what would one expect? I've got to run over to Court Suzanne Lenglen now to watch Jelena Jankovic put an ass whupping on Sorana Cirstea.