Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The Dodgers Will Lose a Game, I Just Don't Know When

Be it e-mail message, cell phone calls, or emo songs on an MP3, please refrain from crying and bothering Seriously as to when the Dodgers will lose their next game. It's up to the team and the players. I have no control. I want the Dodgers to lose just as badly as you do. Meanwhile, on the other side of that L.A. spectrum is Sports Seriously correspondent, Dodger Tony, who is hysterically frenzied about his team's invincibility to the point where I don't know what he's got in one hand while he's typing with the other. He's Dennis Hopper with an air mask and has no idea how unpretty it is. A lot of ALL CAPS and DODGERS, MOTHER-CHUCKER!!! DODGER DISEMBOWELMENT! The Mets are A CONCENTRATION CAMP TEAM right now!!!! And yet in the past I've had to literally talk Dodger Tony off the ledge of a multi -floored building because his team couldn't get any clutch hits.
Seriously says this seriously right now to everyone. With this blog blowing up the way it has (there's been over 160 thousand hits since we started last week) there's just too many decisions to be made right now and I simply don't have the time I used to. I can't hold everyone's hand when they're down and I'm not going to be able to slap sense into every fool who's full of himself. You can quote me on this, yo. "The season is a marathon, not a sprint."

- Catch as much Charles Barkley as you can on TNT during the Eastern Conference finals as ABC takes over with ESPN for the West and ABC broadcasts the finals. Charles Barkley, DUI's and all, is a national treasure and I seriously cannot overstate it enough.

- After Barkley, there's May 24th and the 2009 French Open tennis champonship where you're a bearded socialist if you don't take the time to catch John MacEnroe doing color on NBC. Forget Nadal and Federer, nothing in tennis rivals John MacEnroe on the mike. He can even make Mary Carillo interesting. Stay tuned to the franchise for updates leading up to the tournament and throughout as Sports Seriously will have a special guest correspondent positioned at Roland Garros who will be filing live reports as the events unfold. Again, stay tuned.

- Don't look now but the Yankees have won six straight and Steroids keeps hitting dingers. Blue Jays still holding strong, four straight and eight out of eleven, but still get absolutely no love. The closest thing is the fact that Roy Halladay now has a nickname, "Doc." Get it?

- Seriously's Los Angeles Clippers won the NBA lotto today and will receive the first pick in next year's draft. Seriously is not jumping for joy, however, as it's guaranteed that the Clippers will screw it up like they always do by selecting some unknown, 7-foot Romanian with a big Adam's apple. Book it.


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  2. Can you say Jake Peevy? The Dodger will not lose all season if they get him.

  3. I take that back. I guess I was did not know that Peavy went to the White Sox. How disappointing.