Friday, May 29, 2009

Seriously Chapter 17: Titled "No, No, Nene"

That the Lakers demolished the Nuggets, 119-92, to advance to the NBA finals against either the Magic or Cavs is secondary to what just happened Wednesday night.

***Thank God For Lamar Odom***

We've been getting hit hard with e-mails and I even got a fax today. (Who the heck gets faxes anymore?) The consensus seems to be that after Wednesday night's crushing, tide turning, Game 5 victory over the Nuggets, that Seriously deserves some kind of credit or "special props" for pointing out/stressing/elucidating the fact that the great one from the University of Rhode Island, Lamar Odom, is the single most important player for the Los Angeles Lakers, far beyond Jellybean's kid, and he just might be the most important player in all of NBA basketball. As if in the process of providing information as a sports service I'm supposed to come before you and say - hey, call me a soothsayer. Far from it. I'm just reporting what I see and I give thanks to god that I'm lucky enough to have all of you who ask me, "About this thing, what do you think?"
Wearing a special harness to cover the bloody flippin' sack on his badly injured injured back (call it a contusion if you want to,) which had to be drained twice in three days by trainer Gary Vitti, Lamar drops a cool 19, 14, 4 block performance that showed Denver's Dude With the Hairdresser's Name, Nene, just what the area under the basket is all about. A certain poster was rather snarky in referring to the fact that, as reported, Lamar often walks around Los Angeles munching a bag of candy. This poster has been permanently banished form Sports Seriously and will not be heard from again. To speak ill of Lamar (who incidentally is extremely sensitive and can't drink or do drugs to numb himself when his feelings are hurt) is to find yourself persona non grata. As was reported before, Lamar Odom personally told Seriously that, as of this season, he "can't even blow no weed no more."


From Elmont, New York. Rachel Alexandra, who became the first philly in 84 years to win the Preakness, and who is Seriously's main gal, WILL NOT run in the 141st Belmont Stakes on June 6, her connections have told Sports Seriously Friday afternoon. I spoke to owner, Jess Jackson, and he told Seriously that Rachel continues to suffer from exhaustion and it would be in her best interest to not race again so soon after the Preakness. Seriously has known Jess for 15 years and takes him at his word. This means (heartbreak) there will be no final, change-the-course-of-the-nation showdown with Mine That Bird who won the Derby and ran second to Rachel at the Preakness. We love this once-in-a-lifetime Rachel Alexandra and only hope she can settle things once and for all at this year's Breeder's Cup, November 4th at Santa Anita which now becomes the televised event that could eclipse the final episodes of "MASH" and "Seinfeld." The sorry consolation is that her withdrawal opens the door for red-hot jockey Calvin Borel to leave Rachel's saddle and takeover Mine That Gold for the Belmont, whom Calvin rode to victory in the Derby.

***Sung To The Tune Of Don Meredith's "The Party's Over"

Cavs pull out Game 5, with `Bron `Bron having to make like a one man gang, but head back to Orlando for tomorrow night's game still down 3-2. The chances of the Cavaliers winning tomorrow night are about as good as me getting into the game as a power forward.

1 comment:

  1. Don’t tell Lamar that Kobe’s father is named Jellybean, he might eat him. Seriously, this guy has a bad habit in eating the sweet stuff. This explains his moodiness. Talk about crash. If I was Phil Jackson, I’d be pumping this guy on the sideline with Gummy Bears and Honey Buns if it means winning a championship.