Monday, May 18, 2009

Seriously Chapter 6: Beware of Flying Muscle Dudes, They're Not Homos!!!

- Yesterday's NABBA 2009 Bodybuilding Championships in Belgium was canceled when officials announced there would be steroid testing and all 20 competitors ran out of the building.

***Sub Chapter Title: I Relate to the Hate***

Seriously is a serious Los Angeles Clippers fan of more than 2 decades (meaning I wake up in the morning with daggers in my chest) but my guy, yeah I said it, my guy Lamar Odom plays for the Lakers which allows Seriously to pull for the Los Angeles Lakers to win the NBA title under these present circumstances. It's admirably precise wording, that previous sentence, and I feel very clear about it in a defensive kind of way. But let me also say that I can seriously, fully relate to all that Laker hate. That great hate which, quite surprisingly on my end, emenates mostly from old fans of the 80's Showtime Lakers (The Sports Seriously franchise is L.A. based) Believe me, I know what it is to despise all the phony, Kobe Bryant horseshit. Hall of Fame/Black Mamba credentials aside, Kobe Bryant is more phony than Ryan talking about Farrah, for god sakes. But from a purely basketball point of view I would like to hear from anybody why the Lakers won't win the championship. I'm on the look-out as the Lakers made Lebron look like an old man with a big ass during the regular season and they beat the Denver Nuggets like they were drugged out Amsterdam whores which is an unnecessarily rude and demeaning image but so were those games. Seriously wants to hear some theories as to why they will be stopped or you can lay out your Laker hate and let me be the judge as to whether it's fair or not.

- My coronation of Rajon Rondo went awry yesterday as the Celtics totally ran out of gas and very much looked like a team missing Kevin Garnett and Leon Powe. So long, Celtics. I don't hate you anymore after watching what you did last year but I'm glad you lost.

- The Rockets ran out of gas, too, but only after Ron Artest tried out his Derek Fisher Jump Shot Technique for the last two games. What a total jackass as a basketball player and human being. The Rockets were better, incidentally, without Yao Ming. Yao Ming is just too goddamn big. Homey is 7-8 or some shit. He looked like a lumbering giant getting run into the ground. It made the foot injury that took him out of the series completely understandable.

- The Dodgers keep winning and it will be very be a very emotional time for everyone when Manny Ramirez comes back.

- I'm suspicious and want to know where Karl Rove was on Monday morning as Preakness winner, and my girl, Rachel Alexandra reported stomach pains and digestive problems after her morning walk at trainer Steve Asmussen's Louisville farm. I'm open to the chips falling where they may with regards to the winner of the Belmont Stakes but if someone's messing with my girl it's going to get real dark, real quick. I'll go "Taken" on they ass.

- Lamar Odom is too emotionally fragile to handle the disappointment of a Laker loss in the playoffs and they therefore HAVE to win the championship. It would be devestating for him and he can't numb himself by getting high and drinking anymore. So before you criticize Lamar, know the facts and what you're dealing with. It's not all about his 18 million dollar a year salary, yo, and that he's dating Taraji Henson which is a big deal unto itself because she's an actress. Most of you don't live in L.A. and don't understand what that's about, dating an actress. Most of you should just shut up.


  1. Last night's Dodgers/Mets hilarity should be replayed immediately on ESPN Classic. The Mets buffoonery hearkened back to the Casey Stengel era with throes of Marv Throneberry thrown in. Seriously, you couldn't have paid for a better comedy on Broadway. There were 2,000 comments on the Mets blog during the game. I have never laughed so hard in my fucking life. One Heebie jeebie New Yorker plotzing in their gefilte fish as each Met debacle grew more unbelievable than the last. Script writers couldn't have penned this shit. And the Blue just keeps finding ways to walk off win (twice with walks, and a walk off error...sheeesh).

    Meanwhile, in Juan PierreVille, you have to think that the Dodgers are going to actively shop JuanPa now that he is the second coming of Ted Williams. Poor little guy. He's probably going to end up in San Diego or Cleveland, or maybe Chicago with the Sox for Mark Buehrle or Bobby Jenks. (Do those two even play for the White Sox anymore).

    My blog just may reopen early if this shit continues.


  2. The Mets win! What a win it was for them. A 3-2 victory over the red hot Dodgers in extra innings. What? The Met's lost 3-2? How can that be if they scored 3 runs how could they then lose with only two runs? Oh, the runner missed third base? What a fucking idiot. Look out Marv, here comes the new hapless Mets.