Monday, May 25, 2009

Seriously Chapter 13: The Worst Thing You Can Do is Win?

- Seriously needs to get this straight. The Padres just came back from six runs down in extra innings to win their 10th game in a row and all they're trying to do is break up the Padres. Every other report has Jake Peavy's going here or there, they're trying to trade Adrian Gonzalez and they're fed up with Kevin Kouzmanoff.

***Also From "The Worst Thing You Can Do is Win" File***

- After Seriously's favorite gal, Rachel Alexandra, made history two weeks ago as the first philly in 84 years to win the Preakness (she swept the field,) sources now say it's questionable whether she'll make her final show-down-destiny run against Derby winner, Mine That Gold, for the Belmont Stakes. While Sports Seriously reported Rachel's digestive/stomach issue the day after the Preakness, we had also subsequently verified that she was back on her regular training schedule as of last week. Then today, staff spoke to owner, Jess Jackson, who stated he was uncertain (this morning) of the Preakness champion's status for the Belmont Stakes on June 6. We spoke to him after he had just finished working her out at Churchill Downs. "What else does she have to prove?" Jackson said. "The Preakness was a gamble and we don't have to gamble anymore." He further characterized her as a "tired horse." At the same time we spoke to trainer, Steve Asmussen, who said Rachel Alexandra was "comfortable, happy, and agreeable, and today looked like nothing more than an extended gallop," adding that he advised Jackson that he should wait on a (Belmont) decision.
Is Rachel Alexandra a sick horse? Will we be denied the most exciting Belmont Stakes in history? Rachel Alexandra versus Mine That Gold, who finished second at Preakness, would elevate horse-racing to the forefront of national consciousness and change the way we live our lives as Americans. And that's not even taking into account the jockey controversy! After red-hot Calvin Borel rode Mine That Gold to victory at the Derby, he then rode Rachel Alexandra to victory at the Preakness. Now he refuses to say which horse he will ride in the Belmont and that's AFTER Rachel's health issue of today. It's becoming quite apparent that horse racing exceeds the economy, Iraq and health care as it relates to issues of national importance.

- Right as Seriously was hammering the NBA Eastern Conference Finals into granite as a classic, the teams lay a thug-ball stinker in last night's game three, an Orlando ten-point victory featuring 58 fouls, 86 free-throws, two technical's and a flagrant. Through the thuggery and blown whistles it was less a case of Orlando kicking tail than it was the Cavaliers getting exposed as a team of two guys total. `Bron `Bron gets 41, Mo Williams 15, not much else and a mighty 8 points off Cleveland's bench. After making history in the last game, `Bron `Bron goes 11 of 28, 1 of 8 from three point land, has no flow and Orlando is up 2-1 in series.

***Sorry Sight For Cleveland Fans***

Ilgauskas, your doughy seven-foot center continually lumbering out to the perimeter, angling for three point shots, missing every one of them and conceding the entire basket area to Dwight Howard who is making Ilgauskas look like he belongs behind a meat slicer. If you're the Orlando Magic, you're happy. If you're an NBA fan you want to hit reset.

- The two most odious squads in the National League are the Cubs and Mets who are major market teams loaded with stars and they play lousy team baseball. They're gaudy when they win (which is never) and they're punks when they lose. The San Francisco Giants aren't a particularly winning team but if you beat them, it's 2 - 1 or 3 - 2 and they're an actual baseball team. The Mets and Cubs are totally dysfunctional with they're Milton Bradleys and Gary Sheffields and Seriously seriously enjoys watching them both get stomped.

- ESPN, yes we do mention the competition, (especially when they're off they're bloomin' rockers,) has their weekly MLB Power Rankings out and they list the Dodgers at #1, ahead of the Red Sox and Yankees. They also have the Angels at 12th after the Angels nearly dismantled the Dodgers in their three game series just finished AT Dodger Stadium. Yeah, the Dodgers still have the best record and, yeah, we were making jokes only a few days ago about them winning every game but they have a newly blown-out hole in their pitching staff with no starters beyond Billingsley, Kershaw and Wolf and an exhausted bullpen that's starting to get bombed. They're still one of the top teams but #1? It's imperative that the Sports Seriously franchise overtake ESPN so a silly power ranking such as this never again has relevance or even sees the light of day. But fear not. At over 246,000 hits since going online less than three weeks ago, we are well on our way to blowing ESPN's doors off and taking care of the problem. So we thank you again for all for the correspondences, atta-boys and eh, not so goods. The way you've supported Sports Seriously from the beginning is a daily inspiration to us and may god bless you for it.

- Today marked the beginning of the French Open tennis championship. We'll have reports directly from Roland Garros starting tomorrow.

- NBA Western Conference Finals, game four coverage tomorrow as well.

Stay tuned.


  1. I'm not too worried about the Lakers this series like I was the last. They are at least trying. They were just not hitting their shots. You can blame their defense, but when you try to stop the other team and a foul is called every time, how do you stop them from scoring?

    If the Lakers were scoring, I wonder how many more fouls there would have been. Also, the fouls could take you out of your game too. I think Kobe weas still feeling the effects from last Saturday. Denver truly has home court advantage with that altitude of theirs.

    What's more, I think there are too many technical fouls being called in both series. Their reasoning is that the trash talking wil lead to altercations. You can't say anything anymore and you get a technical. They should give a technical if the trash talking leads to something. You shouldn't penalize anyone for intent. This is not Minority Report.

    That flagrant foul against Bynum was bullshit. On Saturday, Kobe was pushed in the back and it was not called a flagrant. Bynum hits the guy on the hand... hard, but he hit him were the ball was. How can that be a flagrant? Centers in nature are going to hit you harder because they are bigger.

    Also on Saturday, Derek got called for a technical for reacting to a player nudging him. The player pushed Fisher with his shoulder and continued to do so, giving him the evil eye until Derek pushed him out of the way. I saw the ref turn around and he only saw Fish.

    They need to have a meeting next year and talk about officiating. They say the game is too fast, but that's bull. The umpires in baseball are the best and they have no problem. Baseball maybe slow, but when there is action, it's fast. The ball being thrown moves quickly and the ump has to make an instantaneous decision. Also, double plays are fast. And that ball screaming on the foul line happens quickly. The ump has to react immediately.

    No, the refs in basketball, in my opinion, have no excuses. Let's hope they don't affect the outcome to both series.

  2. The Lakers have learned a lot this playoffs. Let’s hope that lesson will not be forgotten on Friday. Some think they are skittish, which might be true, but I hope they can close things out and quiet all of those naysayers; which includes former Laker players Magic Johnson and Jerry West.

    Who do you want the Lakers to play if they make it to the finals? I say the Cavs because they will be beaten up. The Lakers can take advantage of that silly 2-3-2 format and beat them. Home court advantage means nothing in the finals except for game seven. And I hope it won’t come down to that.

  3. Seriously previously considered the Cavs to be the biggest threat to the Movie Stars. Now, absent a collapse, the Magic are obviously the superior team. The only thing the Movie
    stars have to fear in the Finals, assuming they put the Nuggets away, is Lamar Odom's back.

  4. Unless Odom eats his spinich (in his case that's candy bars).