Thursday, May 28, 2009

Seriously Chapter 16: Boogity Bub Weighs in on NASCAR

When you've played the sports game as long as Seriously has, and have been blessed enough to travel on the inside, getting to go places where I shouldna oughta been, with people you wouldn't really even believe, you tend to accumulate some fantastic personalities along with fantastic sources along the way. Sports Seriously's NASCAR guy, Boogity Bub, is both a personality and a source. He calls himself "a cashed up redneck" because when you go to his property, about an hour outside Charlotte, there's cars and boats scattered everywhere only their all nice. And he'll shoot anything so you best keep your hands in plain sight, even if he's passed you through his gate. This self described "old grease monkey from way back" files this report which will be his first of hopefully many on this site.

Boogity Bub filed this:

As one who lives in the South, aka NASCAR Country, I learned long ago that there's three things you're can't talk about around here: religion, politics and Dale Earnhardt, Jr. Well, all I can say to that is - FUCK DALE EARNHARDT, JR!!!
Ever since NASCAR, which is an acronym for "Non-Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks" made this no-driving, squinty-eyed, in-bred looking, bad acting poser the face of the sport, my love has grown for my most favorite sport...Anything that ain't NASCAR! I am so sick of seeing this dude everywhere I turn on the TV or radio that I'm almost ready to become a fan of "Everybody Loves Raymond" re-runs. Face it, "Junior Nation", you bunch of idiots, you're boy is the Anna Kournikova of NASCAR... Only 1000 times uglier and less sexy. Oh, sure, it's true that "Mr. Lucky Sperm Club" has more fans than anybody in sports next to Tiger Woods but that's where the comparison ends. If Tiger ain't playing in a golf tournament - nobody, and I mean nobody, watches because Tiger alone creates the competition and drama in that sport. If Junior don't race or gets knocked our early, the race actually gets better because you know he won't be out there wrecking people and it's fun to watch his fans whine and freak out. Look, I don't hate the dude personally. Shit, everyone around here knows him. And I know that he didn't ask to be made "The Face of NASCAR". His daddy was an immortal legend and by birth right, he too has been elevated to legend-status which makes NASCAR an big, fat ass-load of money. I'm sure Junior would much rather come to the track, bang a hot babe in his trailer, work on his car, race and then head home for a beer and few days of fishing with his renowned posse. Hell, I'd take that. The dude rarely shows any passion or emotion and would probably prefer that the cameras weren't always there... Well, except for when he's chewing up dialogue in one of his never ending TV commercials. Sorry, there I go hatin' again. But as long as he has a fan base the size of Guam and throngs of worshipers with Jr. tattoos on their bodies, top-tier sponsors paying millions and untold sums coming in from licensing and personal deals, a super-greedy NASCAR will continue to slap his face on everything - time after time, year after year, reminding us all that's it pays to be loved...and hated.

C. 2009 Boogity Bub

1 comment:

  1. Sorry, I’m an Indy guy. The only thing I know about NASCAR is Kyle and Kurt Busch. I only keep track of our local guys. It looks like they are in the hunt for the championship.